Unforgiving
by PocketfullaMisery
Summary: “I love you, Bella, I mean this.”She shook her head, raising her head to face mine, “ I- I” I prayed for her to return her love to me. She looked at me, dead in the eye, "I cant” / Chapter Eight: Will they fall back into love after decades of heartbreak?
1. Change

_Chapter One: Change  
_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own New Moon. S. Meyer does.**_

_Reference- New Moon ( what was the page again??)_

**Jacob's POV**

**...  
**

The pack and I were running through the woods when we smelled.. ukh.. a bloodsucker. Nothing could be that foul as that stench. I ran across another smell, not horrible, sweet. Human. I gasped when I realized who smelled that way. Bella. My Bella. With. Leech.

I snarled.

_Jacob, have you came across anything?_ As if Sam didn't know.

_Bella and a leech._

The pack raced towards me and came in less than two seconds.

_Both are fresh, different times. The vampire might be hunting_ , Embry growled.

_Could be one of the Cullens. _Sam thought.

We were silent when we heard Bella's voice.

" Please" she gasped.

" I swear you'd be thanking me for this." There were a few seconds of silence. " Mouthwatering."

At that, I began running as fast as I could, the pack behind me.

When I reached her, I was already too late. The bloodsucker's teeth were at her neck, piercing her fragile skin. I pushed him off her, he snarled.

_We'll get him, _Paul snarled and the pack disappeared.

I rushed to Bella's side, putting her in my arms. Blood and venom was oozing out of her wound. She winced. " Jacob. " she whispered, then her eyes closed.

" I'm so sorry Bella." I said the same time I heard a metallic screech. " Bella, I'm so sorry. I could've stopped this. Bella I'm so sorry" tears were escaping from my eyes, dripping onto her face.

Her eyes fluttered open. " No, Jacob. It's.." her voice strained, fighting a scream, obviously. " Not .. your.. fault. "The her eyes closed again. Unconscious.

" Jacob. You do realize we have to-" Sam's voice mumbled from behind me.

"No! You will not destroy her! She means everything to me! Without her, I'd die! She is my air! My life! My everything!" I said through tears.

" Jake.." the ass was trying to reason with me.

" NO!! She'll be different! You'll see. Trust me. She won't kill anyone!" I tried to assure him, mostly talking to myself.

I almost didn't notice Embry, Jared and Paul behind Sam.

" Jacob, you can't be sure about that." Sam tried to calm me.

" But I am. You can't" I swallowed," de-destroy her. You can't! I won't let you!"

" Fine" he sighed. " I'll let this one pass, but we're not going anywhere near her. Not yet."

" I'm staying with her."

" If you're sure"

" Yes" I confirmed.

" Alright. But if you get killed.." his voice trailed off.

" She won't kill me."

Jared spoke for the first time. " She'll be a danger to the humans, nevertheless."

" We agree. So what do we do?"Paul asked.

I thought of something. " Steal a corpse, burn it in her car. It'll be as if she had an accident."

Embry spoke this time. " Morgue?"

" Obviously. We're not the murderers." Sam said.

" Go. Just go." I whined. And you didn't have to tell them twice. They shifted and left.

I turned my attention back to Bella, who was still unconscious. " I love you. I'm so sorry."

How could I be so stupid? Why had I left her alone? Why did I avoid her? I could've protected her! My Bella. Eternally damned. Damnation. I can't save her now. It's too late. She's dead. I'm dead. Love. Life. Meaning. Over.

I felt as if someone stabbed me with a million knives. But I believe the pain in her was worse. Much,much worse.

I'd take it. For her. I love her too much. Please.

I looked up to the clouds which were turning Grey. " IS THIS PUNISHMENT?!" I screamed to the sky. " WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG?! WHAT HAS SHE DONE WRONG?! SHE DOESN'T DESERVE THE DAMNATION!! HELL JUST TAKE ME! KILL ME INSTEAD!! ANGELS DON'T DESERVE THIS FATE!! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO HER?!"

The pack howled in sorrow from the woods. They heard me.

**Two days later**

Every scream, screech, beg or whimper was my fault. My torture. I deserved torture.

Bella screamed. " STOP THE FIRE!! JUST KILL ME!!" She finally awoke.

" Bella, I can't"

" Ed-ward?" How can she think of _him? _After all he did, she still thinks of him.

" No."

" Jacob!!" she said as she scraped her nails onto the floor. I had moved her to a shack to protect her from the rain.

" I'm sorry Bella. I could've stopped this"

" Shut up. It's not your fault!" she screamed. " It's mine!"

I furrowed my eyes in confusion. " No, it's not" I argued.

" It is. I played with fire and got burned!" she said, amazingly without screaming.

**One day later**

Her heart beat accelerated to a dangerously fast pace. I knew it was almost over. Her chest lifted off the ground as if her heart was propelling it upwards and she screamed again.

Bella's sweet human smell was fading, replaced by freesias and strawberries. She smelled unusually tolerable for a vampire.

Almost three hours gone and her heart beat faltered to a stop. I had to do it. I had to leave her soon.

Her nose wrinkled in revulsion. She must've found my odor repulsive. She opened her eyes slowly and we both gasped.

Her eyes weren't the crimson newborns had.

...

_( chuckles nervously ) What do you think?_

_Is it worth continuing?_

**Reviews please!!**


	2. Leave

**Chapter Two: Goodbye**

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.**

**Thank you **xXx Estela Cullen xXx **and **bloomsky** for reviewing.**

**...  
**

**Jacob's POV**

Her eyes weren't the crimson newborns had.

Instead, they were a mixture of bright colours, green, yellow, magenta, blue and grey. Breathtaking. Vampirism made her beautiful. No, beautiful isn't the word for her. ' Beautiful' seemed like an insult. _Concentrate, Jake_ , I snarled at myself. Now isn't the time to marvel and awe at her beauty. I have to leave her soon. One of us is bound to snap if I stay a second longer than I should.

" Jake!" she breathed. Her voice was a melody.

" Hey, Bells" I said cautiously.

I suddenly found her embracing me in a bone crushing hug. Sam wasn't kidding when he said newborns were strong. She giggled at my ear. " You stink."

I let out a hoarse laugh. She hugged me tighter. " Ow, Bella. Take it easy. You're crushing me."

She let go immediately, backing a few steps and mouthing the word ' oops'. She looked down to her shoes, " I'm sorry, Jake. You didn't have to stay with me. I'm sorry. This is all my fault."

" Play with fire and it's going to burn you." I quoted her.

" Yes." She whispered.

Playing with fire was exactly what she did. The Cullens were the fire. Dangerous, unpredictable. They hurt people. They could kill people. They killed Bella. Without _him_, she could have lived a normal life. A life without misery, pain and suffering. A normal life. That's all I wanted for her. That was why I avoided her before it was too late.

Too late. Her bloodsucking ex went too far. He left her. He tortured her. Left her in the woods that day, letting the depression take her. She was in so much pain. It hurt me to see her that way.

She could have moved on. With me, possibly. Instead of dwelling on the fact that he doesn't love her, he won't come back. As if he never existed. She was so.. there was no other word for it, dead. Lifeless. Destroyed. She could have died happy with anyone. Anyone, but him. She can't depart life now. She has forever.

Forever to stay heartbroken. Forever to be tortured. Forever to hate him. Forever to kill herself inside. Eternity to suffering before her. I blame myself. Too late to change anything. Saying it's never too late is a load of crap. Sometimes, it's just too little too late.

I was selfish. People shouldn't play with fate. It was her fate to..d-d-die three days ago. I stopped that because I was selfish. I wanted her to live. Without her, I can't live so I played with her fate. I forced her to live. That would have been the biggest deed and the biggest mistake of my life. I regret saving her. No one deserves eternal damnation. I won't be able to forgive myself for this.

Now, no one to protect her. No one. Problems and pain will be thrown at her. I have to leave her now.

But not before she understands. I owe her at least, that. An explanation.

" Bella, I saved you because I was selfish. I can't see you dead. I can't breathe without knowing your alive. They pack were going to destroy you." I said, trying to force the lump in my throat down.

" Pack?" she asked, bemused.

I forgot she didn't know. " I've been avoiding you to protect you Bella. Sam, Embry, Jared, Paul and I are.. werewolves. We are unstable. We can lose control and endanger someone. I didn't want you in danger Bella, so I avoided you. I didn't know it would instead put you in danger. I blame myself for this. I'm sorry." I dropped unto the floor, tears escaping freely from my eyes.

She came over to me, hugging me in a comforting manner. " Shh. Jake, In told you before it isn't your fault."

" The hell it is!"

" Shh. Relax, Jacob. We can't change anything now. The past is past." We were silent for a few seconds until she spoke obviously trying to cheer me. " tell me about werewolves. Full moon? Silver bullets?"

I chuckled. " Myths. We shift whenever we please. Bullets won't hurt us.". I put my arms around her and she wrinkled her nose, but didn't reject my move. " Remember the story I told you? The one when we first met?" I doubted it, though.

" Not really. It's a little fuzzy." She furrowed her brows in concentration of perfecting her memory.

" I'll tell you again then." She nodded. " The cold ones, bloodsucker- I mean vampires, are the natural enemies of the werewolf. That's the reason why you find my smell so repulsive. We are enemies. The werewolves' job is to destroy vampires. You think of us as dirty, disgusting, half breeds" i spat at myself.

She visibly flinched.

" Don't worry, I won't let them hurt you ." I whispered. " Promise me something."

" Yes?"

" Never taste human blood." I said solemnly.

" You have my word. I'd be a vegetarian like- never mind." She said sadly. I was confused. Weren't newborns supposed to be bloodthirsty, out of control freaks? Bella had meat right here and she didn't even stir.

It was time. " Good. Promise me you'll be alright."

" Where are you going?" she asked. Poor Bella, she didn't know what was coming.

" No, Bella. Where are _you_ going is the question here. You have to leave." I choked. I didn't have to leave her, i realized. She had to leave me.

" Leave? Why? What about Charlie?" she asked, incredulous.

" Charlie is attending your funeral now."

" funeral?"

" Isabella Marie Swan is dead now. Bella lives. We faked your death."

" What?!" she almost yelled.

" Bella. Stay calm. You can't go to see Charlie anymore. You have to leave. The pack won't allow you in Forks." My tears were coming again. " Promise me one more thing."

She was crying tears that would never fall. " Anything."

" Stay safe."

She nodded. And turned slowly towards the direction of the door.

" Bella.."

" Yes, Jacob?" there was hope in her eyes.

" I love you. Now. Always. ." I looked down, realizing what I just said.

" Jake, I love you too. I'll miss you." She hugged me for the last time and sobbed harder. She wiped a tear from my eye gently and let go from the hug. " Goodbye, Jacob."

" Goodbye, Bella."

Then she left.

I shifted into my wolf form, running deep into the woods. I started howling and sobbing right there. Bella is gone. She won't be coming back. Gone.

_Jacob, we caught something. Go across the border, human form. We'll meet you there._ Sam used his alpha tone. Meaning I couldn't disobey.

I ran again, stopping at the border to shift and then crossing it. The pack was already there. " So, what's up?" I tried to speak.

" Do you smell that?" Sam asked.

I sniffed the air blowing in my direction. Vampire. And it wasn't Bella's scent either. I growled.

" No. Don't attack. I recognize the scent." Sam said gravely.

" The Cullen's are coming to her funeral." Jared spat.

" They came. Great!" I said, my tone layered thick with sarcasm. " Are we attending the funeral?"

" Yes." Embry answered.

" This'll be hard for us." Sam spoke.

I was the beta. I could give a command as well. " They've got a mind reader. We'll have to put our thoughts in misery for them to believe us. I don't want them near Bella. The real Bella. They can't know she's alive. I don't want them hurting her again. Remember, control your thoughts."

They all nodded in unison.

The Cullens won't hurt her again.

**...**

**Mmm hmm... It's short. I don't really like this chapter, but it's important. **

**Otherwise, there'll be confusion in future chapters..**

**Anyways.. Reviews please!!**

**I promise you the next chapter will be totally worth it.  
**


	3. Funeral

**Chapter Three: Funeral**

**_Disclaimer: If I'd own any of the twilight books.. nah, I got nothing to say. I don't own anything._**

**_Thank you for the reviews!!_**

**Reference: New moon, ( page something… )**

**...**

**_By the way.. your answers.._**

Perfect love kills all fear 

_Her eyes were already that particular colour. The reason? It will be revealed in a future chapter._

_Yes, Bella's POV is coming. It will be in the next chapter, I promise. Anyways, here's the story.._

* * *

**Alice's POV**

_Three days ago_

" Seriously, the malls here are pathetic." Rosalie grumbled. I couldn't blame her. We were shopping all day and all we got was one good purchase. And it wasn't even for us! Rosalie got Emmett some cute boxers. Ew, what am i saying?

I thought about how Bella would react if I brought her shopping today. She'd hate it. No, No, NO! I can't think about her! I will not think about her!

I sobbed. I miss Bella.

Then my mind went blank. A vision was coming.

_It was Edward and Bella's meadow that I saw first._

" _Mouthwatering." Laurent drooled, his coal black eyes glinting in thirst._

_Bella stumbled back a few steps, Laurent followed. _

_He pierced her skin with his razor sharp teeth, trying to quench his thirst with her blood._

Then the vision ended. I gasped. No No No! This can't be happening! I have to tell everyone. Especially Edward. We will not be too late.

" Alice, what's wrong? What did you see?" Rosalie asked.

I couldn't speak coherently. I managed to stutter. " Be-Bel-la. Lau-rent. Thir-sty."

Rosalie's face turned shocked. Although she didn't really like Bella. It was all respect for her humanity. " No. This can't happen." She dragged me, literally, to her Mercedes and sped off, 220 miles per hour while I called Edward, asking him to return to us. He left a month after leaving Bella.

We ran into the house. " Carlisle! Jasper! Esme! Emmett!"

Only three ran into the room. " Where's dad?" Rosalie asked anyone.

" Hospital. Sweetie, what's wrong?" Esme asked worriedly.

Jasper sensed my distress and went over to embrace me. Trying to calm me down, but that didn't work. I realized I was dry sobbing. " A vision. Laurent was thirsty and Bella was with him. I saw him bite her, I saw him!" I wailed. Jasper went rigid.

Esme gasped. " No."

Emmett got angry. He loved Bella. "That won't happen. That can't!"

I searched into the future. Desperate. Trying to make sure she's still alive. Nothing. I couldn't find her. **( a/n: She was already with Jacob. Alice can't see werewolves, remember? ) **" NO!" I cried.

" What did you see Alice?" Jasper asked, worried for Bella.

" I saw nothing. It was all black. I couldn't see Bella. We're too late." I choked.

Everyone was crying now, even Emmett. We stayed like that for an hour.

" Hello fami-oh!" Carlisle walked in and saw us. " What happened?"

Emmett answered. " Leaving Bella was the biggest mistake of our life. Laurent was thirsty and Bella was with him. We were too late to save her."

Carlisle's eyes widened. Rosalie went over to him. " Carlisle, what do we do? How will we tell Edward?"everyone flinched thinking of how Edward will react. He was already so miserable.

He sat on the couch, rubbing his forehead with the tips of his fingers. He was also sobbing. Bella was a daughter to him. " Did you contact Edward?"

" yes," I searched into the future again. " He'll be coming in half an hour. He's going to try to go to the volturi after we tell him. Emmett, Jasper, prepare yourselves for him. He won't give in without a fight. Control your thoughts"

We waited for what seemed like an eternity. And finally Edward came. " Brace yourselves." I warned them.

**Edward's POV**

_Back to the present ( Now )_

I couldn't believe it. My Bella. My sweet Bella, d-de-ad. My family had been watching my every move, in case I was about to escape again. I thought about the conversation we had during her birthday. **( a/n: Memory in italics )**

_"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi," I went on, "Not unless you want to die—or whatever it is we do." _

_She took my face between her hands._

_"You must never, never, never think of anything like that again!" she said. "No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!"_

_"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point." I stated._

_"Put me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault?" She was getting angrier. "How dare you even think like that?" _

_"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?" I asked._

_"That's not the same thing."_

_I chuckled._

_"What if something did happen to you?"she blanched at the thought. "Would you want me to go off myself?"_

_The idea of her ceasing to exist when I died pained me._

_"I guess I see your point… a little," I admitted. "But what would I do without you?"_

_"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."_

I will live. For her. I'll make her happy in the heavens above. At least, I'll try to make her happy. She must hate me.

_"You… don't… want me?" she asked._

_"No." I lied. This was so hard for me. I love Bella. I'm doing this to protect her. My kind isn't good for her. I stared at her with a cold expression. I'm going to hate myself for this. No, I already hate myself for this._

_"Well, that changes things." I was surprised by how calm and reasonable her voice sounded. Like everything didn't matter. Like this was just a normal, non-heartbreaking conversation between the two of us. It could be because she didn't love me anymore. She already hated me and that hurt me deep._

_I looked away into the trees as i spoke again. "Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human."I looked back at her, staring at her icily. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."_

_"Don't." her voice was just a whisper now, I saw unshed tears glistening in her eyes."Don't do this."_

_I just continued to stare at her with the same cold expression. I had already done what was done. _

_"You're not good for me, Bella." _

_She opened her mouth to say something, and then closed it again. I waited patiently, my face blank. _

_"If… that's what you want."_

_I nodded once. _

Lies. The number of lies I told her that day. I won't know if she'll ever forgive me. Eternally damned, I am. Punishment. I'm a horrible person.

" Edward." Alice called me softly. She lost her bouncy, bubbly hyper-ness ever since her vision that unfaithful day. " The plane has landed."

A painful hour passed. Everyone was sobbing again. I sat before the piano, playing her lullaby. She died, I died. I can't stand the pain. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I was hanging by a thin piece of thread. If it breaks, I break. Nothing matters anymore. I can't embrace the things I've done to her. I've tortured her. I can't face the fact that I will never see my Bella ever again.

I was very disgusted with myself. It is not Jasper's fault as he said. It is not Alice's fault that she had the vision a moment too late. It was all my fault. All mine.

I put her in a life with vampires, when she smelled so mouthwatering.

I knew Jasper had poor control.

I knew I had to leave her.

I banned Alice from seeking Bella's future.

I forbidden myself from returning to her, begging to take me back

I regret all these things. But it's too late anyway.

She'll never forgive me

I'll never see her happy again

The last memory I have of her alive hurt me.

" Edward" Esme spoke " we have to go to the funeral now."

**Jacob's POV**

The pack outdid themselves. They made sure that the body could pass as Bella.

We were having the funeral three days later because she 'supposedly' died yesterday night. Paul and Embry took a burnt body from the morgue. Female, brunette. Jared took out a few clothes where her scent is the strongest and put it on the body. Then they put they corpse in the truck and burnt it. Excellent, no?

" Guys come here a minute." I called them and they came.

" Okay, we have to lie. The Cullens could know that she was bitten by a bloodsucker. They have a psychic." They nodded. " Bella was bitten by a leech, drained till dead, then put in her car and burnt. Then the truth, What happened to the bloodsucker? He was destroyed by us. Remember, sad thoughts" I already could do that.

We were already at the funeral. Then their scent hit us. The Cullens were coming.

**Edward's POV**

We all dragged ourselves there, I smelled Bella and something burnt. I realized it was Bella that was burnt. NO! I wrinkled my nose. Something smelled repulsive. Where have I smelled that before? Then I remembered. Werewolf.

No, werewolve**s**.

I recognized one as Jacob Black. He was with his what looked like a pack. I listened in on his mind.

_Bella. Bella. _Followed by some images. I saw him and Bella laughing, holding hands at ...First Beach, as it seems. Holding hands! Then there was one where she was in the woods, rocking back and forth saying, " He's gone " over and over again. I felt a sharp pang of guilt. I walked over to him.

" Hello, Jacob." I said, gloomily.

" Huh. Surprised to see you here. I thought you didn't love her."

" I do."

" Then why don't you leave like you did before now." He suggested.

I changed the subject. " What happened to the one that-" I winced.

" We destroyed him. He burnt her in her truck. No idea why." He seemed mad. I read into his mind. _He had the nerve to come here after what he did to her. The idiot._

" Yes, I'm an idiot." I agreed. He didn't seem surprised that I read his mind.

" Stop reading my mind." He snarled.

" I'm here for Bella. Not to fight" I whispered and he calmed.

Soon it was time to say goodbye to Bella. Alice was sobbing hard.

Jacob went after Charlie, Renee Carlisle and Esme. He had the shortest speech. " I'm so sorry. I could've stopped this. I'll miss you Bells."

Rosalie and Emmett went next. Rosalie spoke first, " Bella. I owe you an explanation as to why I was unkind to you before. I was jealous. I was jealous that you breathed. I was jealous that you were human. I found you very interesting and fun. I'm sorry to see you go. You've done good to us."

And now Emmett. "Bells, I'm so sorry we left. I'm so sorry this happened to you." he broke down. " I want you back. I want my sis back!!"

Alice walked forward and said, " Goodbye Bella. You were like the sister I never had. Thank you for making Edward happy back then. Thank you god for letting Bella walk the earth. I'll miss you, so much. I'm sorry for leaving."

Jasper walked forward, " Bella. I'm sorry. This is mostly my fault. If I didn't lose control, Edward would've never left you. This would've never happened. I'm sorry I distanced myself from you, but I was concerned for your safety. I am a person with very little self control. I'm sorry, I didn't get to know you much, but you were excellent. I could tell. I'll miss you dearly."

They all walked a few steps back, giving me privacy. " I'm sorry Bella. This is all my fault. I opened my eyes and realized that leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life. I left to protect you, never realizing the dangers I left behind with you. I was selfish. I was a danger to you yet i went around the fact. You risked everyday of your life just to be with me. I was the monster. I had to leave you for that. Please forgive my mistake. I wanted to kill myself just to be with you now. But then, I remembered the conversation we had during your eighteenth birthday. I said I couldn't live without you. I still can't. But I'll try. For you and only you. I'll live my life as it were without you, as you said. Just know that my life is pointless without you. I'm dead inside already. When I left you, I said a lot of unnecessary lies, just to get you away from me. I still love you, with all of my cold, dead heart. Bella. I need you. I left you with bad memories of me. I left you crying in the woods. I left you dying inside. I was about to ask you to take me back the moment I left you, but you deserved better. I wanted you to live a life where you could be yourself. A life where you won't have to risk yourself. But I want you back now. I was too late. I feel like I'm stabbed in a million pieces. My fault. All my fault. Remember, Bella. I love you. Always have, always will, now and forever. I'm sorry I was too late to tell you this."

I dropped onto my knees, dry sobbing. " Bella. When I left, I was lifeless. I was weak. I left my family to hide my shame, to make them not suffer with me. No one deserves to suffer. My angel, you'll be in heaven. I know you will. Forgive me. I can't get a grip. I made mistakes that I regret so much. One of them was leaving you. I'll never forget the first day we kissed. It brings back so many memories, what we've been through. Please wait for me in heaven. I love you, my Bella. My Isabella Marie Swan. This is not goodbye forever. I'll meet you above. I promise."

" Goodbye, for now, Bella. I love you." I sobbed harder. I was numb all numb. My throat was choking me but I didn't need the air. I killed Bella.

...

**( Sob ) Omigod! ( Sob )**

**I was crying when I wrote this. Poor Edward.**

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**Reviews would be really,really nice. Please? ( pouts )**


	4. Eternal Damnation

**Chapter Four: Eternal Damnation**

**Disclaimer: The books belong to S. Meyer.**

**A/N: I hope this is what you're waiting for.. **

…

**Bella's POV**

" Goodbye, Bella" was the last thing I heard from Jacob Black as I ran. I wanted to go somewhere, anywhere, but I was lost. I was not in Forks.

The burn in my throat I had earlier was now stronger. I needed to feed, but I didn't want to as I was scared as I didn't know what to do. The urge was stubborn, though not nearly as stubborn as I am. It was paining me, though.

Pain. It must've pained Jacob to have him hear me beg for my death. I swallowed. But he didn't kill me. Of course he didn't.

Because someone already did. Two someones. Laurent had killed me physically while _he_ killed me mentally. Left me to die inside. Left me to rot in my own sorrow. It wounded me just to think of him, but I felt as if I had no choice. I didn't have the heart not to think of him. It was my second nature._ Unavoidable. _My transformation was nothing compared to the pain he stabbed into me, but I'd take it. Take it just to remember him.

Him leaving me. A dream gone wrong. It was the only clear human memory I had. Like it was imprinted in my head. The rest were just blurs or flashes.

I was already dead, yet, I felt like I were dying again. Though no one could die again, I think I could. Mentally, at least. I had rendered my mind useless.

The pain inflicted in my head weren't a single fraction to what I really felt. I need him. I need him now!

_Get a grip on yourself, Bella! _My head snarled at me.

_I can't! I need him! _ I sobbed.

_Don't you get it? He doesn't need you! If he did, he'd be back by now! He's just fine without you! He doesn't care about you. He never did! _The voice sneered.

_You're right. _I gave in. He probably had his 'distractions' to entertain him. He might have already moved on by now. He is indeed, fine without me. I am plain, boring and uninteresting. I don't know why he laid his eyes on me from the beginning. Adonis deserved more. Always more. I am hardly that. I knew I was fighting a losing battle. I had to stop my pain. If he moves on, so will i.

_But will i? _The question repeated itself over and over. No. I don't think I would ever trust again. Not after that unfaithful day that he left me. But how will I know if there's a path worth taking?

_You don't need him. _The same voice spoke. I practically nodded.

I will soon forget my human memories. The ones where he kissed me. Protected me. It was more than just a relationship. It was love. For me, anyway.

_Was, _the word echoed. That was before. I was a fool to believe he returned that love.

There was a new dawn waiting in the midst. I thought of him once more. And again, the same pain stabbed me.

" Ed-ward" I sobbed. I dropped to the ground. My legs were feeling numb.

His fault. All his fault. He done this to me. He killed me. I wanted this, but not anymore. I yearned for death that would never come my way. I had forever. Forever to stay heartbroken. Forever to die inside. An everlasting time to wait for the end of me, if my end comes. Eternity without Edward.

" EDWARD!!" I sobbed louder.

He is the reason for my heartbreak. I will not let my heart be touched again. Not after him. I will never love again.

I was wanting this life. It seemed like a hideous joke now. My human memories might have been a sleeve, but my new memory was what hurt.

I will never forget.

I loathe myself. If this is what cruel fate had brought for me, I wish it away. No one deserves this fate, not even me. Images filled my mind.

" _And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" he murmured.~_

" _I love you," I whispered._

" _You are my life now," he answered simply.~_

_The music slowed, transforming into something sweet. I detected a lullaby weaving through the profusion of notes._

" _You inspired this one," he said softly.~_

" _So ready for this to be the end," he murmured. " for this to be the twilight of your life."~_

_"You… don't… want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order._

_"No."~_

I screamed. Why am I torturing myself? I had to stop it. I don't need him.

_I do,_ I argued.

_No you DON'T, _the voice snarled.

_I do! _ I growled.

_You don't know what you're thinking. _This is the end of -

This is only the beginning.

The beginning of, dare I say it..

Eternal damnation.

It was raining but I didn't give a damn. I was depressed. I was pathetic. I slammed my fists onto the ground, making the hard dirt vibrate. I stayed there, sobbing.

" Are you alright?" said a voice. I heard footsteps coming closer to me.

I looked up slowly to a pair of dark golden eyes. We both gasped.

…

**Am I a meanie or what?**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry it's short, I had to leave it here.**

**Today's the last day of my exams. **

**Any who.. Puhlease review. I accept comments and constructive criticism.**

**Till then.**


	5. Coven

**Hi again! Thanks everyone for reviewing!**

**Disclaimer: If I'd own 's books.. eh, still nothing. I don't own anything related to twilight.**

**Chapter Five: Coven**

**...**

" _Are you alright?" said a voice. I heard footsteps coming closer to me._

_I looked up slowly to a pair of dark golden eyes. We both gasped._

The vampire looked deep in thought. She had pinch-able cheeks, eyes showing maturity- but still childlike. Her perfect brows furrowed in confusion, her lips were pink. Her hair was long and wavy brown, a hint of red, going down to her waist where it hung in ringlets. She looked different, non-American. Whatever she thought was shrugged off, then she said, with an accent crossed between American and British, " I'm Amelia. Are you alright? You seem depressed."

" I think 'depressed' is an understatement, Mia." Said a high pitched voice behind her. Weren't alone.

I felt embarrassed that they heard me breakdown. If I could've blushed, my face would've been scarlet right now. But I'll never blush, never again. Focus, Bella! Think calm! " I'm sorry about that. I'm Bella." I shook her extended hand. Amelia gave me a small smile and moved aside, so I could be greeted by her coven. We definitely weren't alone. Behind her stood four vampires, two males and two females. Like Mia, they gasped and I became offended, " I don't look horrible, do i?"

They laughed. A female vampire with a pixie cut with golden highlights over her black hair and a sweet face replied, " No. Not at all. We weren't just shocked-" she trailed off and said, " I'm Billie" Her eyes were also dark topaz and her face wore a smile that looked permanently stuck there. She shook my hand. From hearing her voice, I realized that she was the one who made the comment earlier.

Billie stepped back, letting a male vampire take her place. He was slightly muscled, black hair untamed, going slightly below the collar of his shirt. He had thick, dark brows, under them were onyx orbs filled with excitement. He was tall, probably six foot or over. " I'm Jon!" he cheered.

The last female smiled at me shyly. She was short, pixie sized, about four foot ten. I suddenly thought of Alice, her size and hyper self. NO! I will not think of the Cullens. Think happy, happy, HAPPY!! I looked back at the tiny girl. Her eyes were coal black, matching her hair which went down to her shoulders and she had bangs, covering her forehead. Her cheekbones were high and she looked Asian, " Ana."

I smiled.

One vampire stayed aback. He seemed terrified. From what I could see, he was lanky and as tall as Jon, also slightly muscled and properly combed black hair. Ana held his hand the whole time, they were probably mates. " what's wrong?" she asked.

He looked up cautiously. His eyes were pitch black and he winced. " I smell human blood and it's mouthwatering. Coming from her."

" I'm sorry." I apologized.

" You feed on humans?" he asked.

" No. I've never hunted before. I completed my transformation today. I'm a newborn, you see."

The gasped, louder.

" What's wrong?" I repeated Ana's question.

" Your'e – you're a- a n-newb-born?" Billie stuttered.

" and?" I seemed to be missing the point here.

" You're completely calm, collected, controlled. You're not bloodthirsty, raging mad or wild at all!" Ana exclaimed.

" am I supposed to be?" I asked, bemused.

" Um, yeah!" Billie said, giving me a 'duh' look.

" Amazing!" Jon praised.

" Can you handle the thirst?" Ana asked his mate and I.

He answered, " Yeah, It's just fresh, that's all. We need to hunt soon."

I answered, " It's tolerable."

He smiled at me. " I'm Francis."

" Nice to meet you. Um, I don't want to sound like an idiot, but where are we?"

" You don't know?" I shook my head. " Alaska."

Wow. Jacob brought me to Alaska. Poor Jacob, I wonder what he's- no! No more! No more, for now, anyway.

" Did you wake up here?" Jon asked.

Think calm. No breaking down. I huffed a breath. " yeah."

" You know what?" Amelia wrinkled her nose. " You do smell nice, with the blood and all, but when you get past that, you reek!"

" Werewolf." I explained.

" There's more to this." Billie thought aloud. " Tell us." She demanded.

" Well, when I was human, I was dating a vampire. I was his singer." They gaped at me, but I went on. " Seven months ago ( a/n: **not sure of the exact date **) he left me. He decided I was better off without him. He never came back. I was a wreck. Then my best friend avoided me, and I was even more a wreck. I went into the woods one day and got bit. When I woke up, he was beside me and explained everything to me. That he was a werewolf. And I couldn't go back. We said our goodbyes and now here I am." Trying to sound nonchalant but failing miserably.

" You've been through hell" Francis said apologetically.

" Yeah, no kidding."

" Since you're a newborn, you must be _ravenous_" Amelia stressed.

" Hunt with us." Ana urged.

" I don't know how.." I mumbled.

" Its just instinct. Just hand yourself over to your vampire nature and you'll be fine." Billie moved her hand in the air animatedly.

" I'll try.." I said, still pessimistic.

" YAY!" the girls cheered. I was happy, content. The trusted me already.

" What are we hunting?" I asked as we walked deep into the forest.

" Bears."

" Yum?" I was unsure of what to say. They laughed at me.

" Okay, lets split up. Meet you back here in a while." Billie chatted and left.

Then everyone left.

I was all alone, unsure of what to do. Then, I caught a mouthwatering that made my venom pool in my mouth. At some instinct, I listened to the forest, trying to locate it by listening to its thudding heartbeats. I waited for the wind, again, by instinct, and when it blew on my face, I knew its exact location.

I brought myself towards the scent, and immediately shifted into a low crouch. I could see a massive sized bear, hear its paws thud on the earth as it moved. The rich scent, the blood, so close. I suddenly knew what to do.

With a bound, I landed on the back of the bear, and it growled, but it sounded weak against mine. The immediate advance was boring. I wanted a fight, so I jumped off its back and lunged towards it.

Was this a fight? It was pathetic, really. It was clawing at me, but it felt more like tickling on my cold, hard, granite skin. I bit at its throat, and it roared. It felt wrong, but I was too thirsty to stop at this point. Then I remembered my distaste for blood, and I wondered if it had anything to do with the wrong flavor. After it ran dry, I shoved off the carcass off me. My thirst was still there, so I hunted again.

Billie wasn't kidding when she said it was instinct. I successfully muted my thirst with three bears and I felt full. I found out that they were on a hunting trip in Alaska when they found me. We were now running towards their home in Florida. Yeah, running. Vampires didn't need rest.

" Welcome to our home." Francis smiled.

" Wow, it's lovely." I commented. It was a three storey cul-de-sac home with a fenced yard. The house was an off-white colour and the roof was paneled with a coffee colour. The windows were see-through and the yard was perfectly trimmed with a garden. The garage was huge. It was beautifully landscaped.

" Lets get inside." Ana sighed. " I need to change."

Billie rolled her eyes. When we entered, my jaw dropped. The living room was seen first, the walls were a cream colour. The couches were made of black leather and brown cushions and there was a 42 inch plasma TV, put into the wall. Below it was a modern fireplace. It was beautiful. Esme 's house decorating was nothing compared to this.

Jon cleared his throat, and everyone was smiling. Amelia spoke. " We would love it if you would join our coven. So-" she got cut off by Billie.

" Please say you will," she begged.

" Of course. Thank you." I said, formally.

" Yes! We'll show you your room." Billie and Ana said at the same time.

" You already got me a room?" I asked, stunned.

" Gee. Look at that. We do.." Jon smiled.

" How?" I asked.

" Jon's psychic." Francis explained. " It's his power."

I smiled. I thought of the Cullens again. No! " Cool!" I choked." how did you guys get changed? You look.. young."

" Oh, we are young. Permanently young." Ana grinned. " We were seventeen, the guys were eighteen."

" tell me."

"Almost seventy years ago, Ana, Billie and I were spending our summer vacation at a town called.. Forks- was it?" Mia asked and Billie nodded. " Anywho- while we were there, we were camping. Not the best idea, it was raining that night."

"Before you ask why we didn't return to our hotel or something. It's coz We dared each other to spend a night in the woods." Ana smirked. " You know what? It's better if I show you."

" Show?" I asked, confused.

Then my mind filled with images.

" _You and your stupid dare, Ana!" Billie snarled._

" _Hey! You dared me too!" Ana defended herself._

" _Why did you choose tonight?" Mia groaned._

" _I didn't know it was gonna rain!"_

_They were inside the large tent, apparently trying to sleep, with no luck. A night with mother nature was hard for them,it appeared. Then they heard a loud rustling, almost sounding deliberate._

_Billie squeaked, " What was that?"_

" _It's nothing."_

"_Don't be too sure." Mia warned. " I'm going to check it out."_

" _Ukh, don't be brave" Ana rolled my eyes._

" _If I don't check it out, are _you _going to sleep tonight? I don't think so." Then she left._

_It was quiet for a moment, then we heard a muffled scream, Billie started shaking. "M-m-Mi-a?"_

" _MIA! Get in here!" but she didn't. " Mia?" Ana tried again. " This isn't funny!"_

_The girls waited quite a while. " Mia?" Ana called her._

_They got out of the tent, cautiously, then began looking for her. Ana heard another muffled scream then saw that Billie was missing. Then everything went black._

" So th-that's it" Ana was shaking.

" We awoke in a white house, with five vampires with yellow eyes. **( A/N: Alice and Jasper hadn't joined the Cullens then)**They told us what we were, and explained everything. We tried their diet, and got stuck with it. Never tasted human blood" Billie smiled slightly, proud of herself.

I was sure they woke in the Cullens household. But I shrugged it off. I felt sad for them, changed so young. " Who changed you?"

" We never found out." Mia ( Amelia ) whispered.

Then something hit me, breaking the intense moment. " What did you do? How did you show me-?"

Ana smiled. " I'm some form of illusionist, I play memories in anyone's head. I gain memories by contact with someone, but somehow, I didn't get yours."

I grinned. Some things never change. Then I remembered Jon and Francis were here. " How were you changed?"

" Some vampire named Maria. She was trying to build an army of newborns, we escaped her and ran into them." Jon kept the story short. It was probably unpleasant.

" Do you have any abilities?" I asked Billie.

" Yeah, I can- you probably think this is funny. I can fly?" she waited for me to laugh, but when I didn't, she continued. " As you know, Ana's a memory keeper and illusionist, Mia can control the elements earth, water, wind and fire, but its still experimental. Jon's psychic and Francis can manipulate and sense emotions around him." _Like Jasper, _I thought.

" Ukh!" Ana huffed impatiently. " I want to show you your room!" she grabbed my arm and yanked me up the stairs.

Billie and Ana brought me to the last room on the second floor. " Close your eyes." Billie giggled.

They pushed me forward, then I heard the flicking of switches. " Open" they sighed.

I gasped. It was beautiful. The size was massive. The walls were beige and the floor was carpeted in a slightly darker shade. In the middle was a king sized bed and to the right was a wall of glass. In front of the bed were black leather couches with a coffee table with roses in a vase. On the left side of the room was two doors.

" Like it?" Ana asked. I shook my head. " Love it?" I nodded.

" I knew it!" Billie screeched.

" Thanks." I murmured softly.

" Oh, don't thank us, Mia designed the house." Then they left the room. I could live here. I laid myself down on the bed. Thinking.

There was a knock at the door. " Come in." I mumbled, knowing they could hear me.

It was Mia. " Hey."

" Hey, thanks."

" No problem. But I want to talk to you about something." She sat on the couch.

" Sure, go ahead."

" What were you doing, screaming Edward's name, just now?" hearing her say his name hurt me.

I changed the subject. " You know him?"

" Yes, I woke up in the Cullen's house, remember? He was .. different."

" He was my boyfriend when I was human." I told her.

" He left you." She said it as a statement, not a question.

" Yes. I wanted to die, but that would never happen. Not after _eternal damnation" _I spat the last two words.

" he hurt you." Again, a statement.

" Emotionally."

" We won't let anyone hurt you again. Especially not_ him_, not anymore." Mia assured me.

Oh yes, I could definitely live here.

**...**

**Again, another important chapter.**

**Hehe.. I put myself into the story. ( My name's Amelia )**

**Please review! I'll provoke the Volturi if you don't.  
**


	6. Where it all began

**Ola, Amigos! **

**Chapter Six: Where it all began**

_**Disclaimer: if I did own twilight, new moon, eclipse, and breaking dawn, what am I doing writing fanfiction? **_

**Ps. I'm so sorry I didn't update sooner, I was having writer's block and i was rewriting this story for about the twelfth time in total . So yeah, I wrote it as fast as I could when inspiration hit me today. By the way, Thanks for reviewing, you make me so happy, seriously ( I couldn't wipe my smile off my face ), so again, Thanks.**

**Here's the chapter..**

…

**Bella's POV**

Nineteen years. Nineteen long years as a vampire, long for me anyway, it was nineteen years of damnation. No longer have I thought _him _as a weakness of mine, as a matter of fact, I _despise him._

_Yea right _, my head said in a sarcastic tone.

_Shut up. Just shut up. _Okay, I don't 'despise' _him. _I don't know _what _to feel. I still miss him. I still love him. I just couldn't take it anymore. I had a decade long of breaking down, a _decade. _

The hole _he _created was still rough around the edges, and it wounded me to hear his voice or even think of him in my mind. If I were breathing, human, or at least _alive, _his smooth, velvet voice would probably make me whole, but bleed my ears and bring me to my death. I was a mess, seriously. Isabella Swan is no more, now, I am Bella Faith. I had built up a thick, concrete wall of cruel attitude, only to be used when necessary.

If you ask- yes. He still lingers here, in my cold, dead heart, never leaving me alone, removing all of the sanity in me. Do I really love _him _more, or do I hate _him? _

I couldn't believe that my human memories were still of remembrance. Why wouldn't it fade, go away? At has been only getting clearer and clearer. I have been and always will be wearing emotional scars for everyone to see. These feelings I try to conceal, with no luck. But it wasn't only _me _who was afflicted- it was my family as well. I blame myself for that, I couldn't control it.

If this was what life was really like, I'd take hell any day.

I wish I could ask _him_ – Was it all that easy to put away your feelings?

But what ' feelings ', exactly? _He_ didn't love me. Why would _he_? I was all but pathetic.

_Get over him, _the snide voice in my mind said.

I shook my head. How can I ? there is _no _getting over _him. _I fell in too deep and _that _hurt me _more. _My heart may not be the first heart broken, but it sure as hell feels like it. There was nothing anyone could do to mend it, it was already too late- it was already broken, beyond repair. It was all my fault that I fell for _him_, I was blinded by faith.

I didn't want to live. I wanted to _die, _just _die. _There was too much pain. But I couldn't depart this earth like the poor soul that took my place in my interment. I couldn't because my family loved me, needed me, and I couldn't because a part of me, that still held on, still loves _him, _wouldn't allow me. All of the reasons made me just a little stronger. Strong enough to keep me here, keep me going through purgatory.

I discovered my powers a year after joining this coven. I could take the form of anything and anyone, like shape shifting.

Once, I let Ana gather my memories ( which was extremely hard to do, she came to me at a rather lucky time) she was annoyingly persistent. All it needed was one touch. She visibly shook after gathering them. She replayed them in my siblings' mind, making them understand my depression, my pain and most of all- _me. _

Her mate, Francis, had tried to send calm waves toward me for all this time, but it didn't work. Hate, need, torture, anguish, fear, sorrow. My emotions were haywire.

Ed- _he _was everything to me. Our relationship was made of nothing but pure love, or so _I _thought. _He _had changed his words, making my heart empty. _He _promised to keep me safe. _He _broke his promise, but it was all a lie anyway. There were no such things as miracles, and I was a fool to believe _he_ was mine. every other hope or colour I had, slowly fades to grey. I should've known better than to give my heart to_ him_.

_It will be as if I'd never existed, _he promised. But that was crap. As if he never existed! Impossible! I was the cold, hard proof for that.

I had to stop hurting myself. The question was _how?_

I looked up to see my reflection that never failed to shock me. My face was pallid as it were contrasted by the frame of my dark, wavy hair that had an amazing vitality. Again, I studied the goddess before me, as always, forgetting it was me. My lips were fuller and red. My skin had an effect that made it glow beautifully. I admit it, I was beautiful. Then I saw her eyes- the eyes that made me different from everyone else.

In my newborn days, my eyes were bright. A frightening neon rainbow. As the years have passed, they have faded to blue, green, teal, gold and grey with a hint of magenta. Where were the topaz eyes? I didn't know. My coven's theories were the power I had, making me different. I knew I was different, but never have I thought I was _that _different.

_Okay, you can't stay in your room forever._

_Sure I can. I have forever, remember?_

_Shut up will you? Just get out of your room for a minute, will you?_

_Why?_

_Just do it._

I was battling myself on going out of my room. It was too long that I have been in here. _Think happy. You can't show anything. _

I nodded. I switched off the TV I wasn't watching and went downstairs finding Ana and Francis staring into each others' eyes on the leather couch. They weren't physical with their relationship, but maybe I didn't know because I rarely left my room. Looking at them, I narrowed my eyes enviously.

I heard light footsteps dancing their way toward me. I recognized the tinkling of her bracelet. " Hi Billie." I greeted her.

She was beside me, then. Of course, she still looked the same, except for the extensions she had in her hair not so long ago. " Hi!" she grinned. " Good to see you out of your room. What's it been- four days?"

" Sorry, I had to think.." I mumbled.

" You think too much." She rolled her tawny eyes. " Be happy for once, Bells! You're like a.." she struggled for the right word. " a negative vibe or something."

I cringed. Billie was usually straightforward with what she had to say, but this time, I wished she hadn't said it. " Sorry." I whispered.

I made my way to the refrigerator, when opening it, finding as always: Wine bottles. But they weren't filled with alcohol. Instead, they were filled with blood. Why? Now and then, we get lazy to hunt, but who ever heard of a _lazy _vampire? Who cares? We were teens, we had our moments. I picked a bottle that had a mouthwatering scent, but dropped it when I realized what it was; mountain lion. I was being childish, I knew, but I did _not _want anything to do with _him_. Mountain lion was _his _favorite.

Billie gasped as the glass bottle crashed onto the floor, into a million pieces, releasing the blood it had contained. I knew she would have caught it if she knew I wasn't going to.

Amelia was at my side in a flash. " Hmm." She frowned and disappeared. Probably off to find a cloth or something.

" I'm soo sorry, Mia!" I apologized.

" No worries. I wanted to do _something. _I was so damn bored." She murmured below me. She was already cleaning the mess I made. " Anyways, It wasn't on the carpet."

" You know," I told her. " I made the mess- shouldn't I clean it?"

" Whatever. Like I said, I'm bored, so don't argue." Then she exited the kitchen.

Jon was here, all of a sudden. " What happened?"

" Uh.. the bottle slipped from my fingers?" I lied badly. It came out as a question.

" Psshh." Billie rolled her eyes. " Mountain lion" she mouthed, at him with a worried expression, when she thought I wasn't looking.

" Ohh" he frowned, understanding.

Mia was walking towards us- no- strutting was the word. Like mine, her walk was a strut, while Ana's and Billie's were a dance. " You okay?"

" hmm.." I answered. " I'm going out." I inched towards the door.

" Okay." Billie sang, and opened the refrigerator, and her head disappeared as she ducked.

" I'm coming, right?" Jon asked, smiling.

" As if you didn't know." Billie muttered as I said, " Of course."

Jon was different from Ali-_her. _He sees the future when it comes to him only, unlike Ali-_her _whose visions comes as she likes. His visions were stronger though, his was precise, accurate. His visions won't change at indecision, for his visions, it was already decided.

" When will you be back?" Amelia asked.

" Soon." I promised. Then Jon and I left the house.

His face was blank for a moment, then there was life in his eyes again. " We're going to Forks?"

I thought about that for a moment. " Are we?" What a stupid question. No duh.

" Yes?"

" Oh." Was my response. " Do you mind?"

He shook his head. " No."

" Good." I had to go there. The place where it all began.

**Edward's POV **

**Two hours ago**

Did she ever cross my mind? No, of course not. She was _always _on my mind. Bella Swan.

Her soft skin, her full lips, her blushing cheeks, her mesmerizing brown eyes. Gone, all gone. All my fault. I have been living a lie. I was right; I am a cruel, soulless, cold creature.

Bella, my one and only. I love her. My world was perfect with her, the sweetest dream, let slip away.

The promise I made to her, to do whatever it takes to keep her safe was never intended to be broken. As I said, entirely my fault that her fate turned unfaithful for her. But how was I to know?

I wanted to take back everything I said to her that day. I was too late, the truth will forever remain unspoken.

My angel had departed the Earth. Everything has changed. Emmett had lost his jokey, playful side, Alice stopped shopping, Rosalie stopped talking and moped, Jasper was curled up in a tight ball fighting the urge to kill himself, Esme sobbed all day and Carlisle was- stressed. Bella had touched so many of us. I forbid her name be spoken in this family. No one argued; they knew I was going to snap someday.

_Snapped_, have i?

I stopped hunting. I barely spoke. I wouldn't let anyone touch me. I never touched my piano again, and I was in trauma. I couldn't get over Bella. I love her. I need her.

" Edward?" Alice whispered. That was as loud as she could go nowadays. She was still.. pained. She was in front of me, so I looked up at her.

" Edward, for the last time, you need to hunt! Your eyes are the darkest shade of onyx I had ever seen."

" She's right, Edward." Emmett murmured from upstairs.

I shook my head, slightly.

Alice sighed. " You have to, Edward. You haven't hunted in nineteen years. Carlisle has never went that long. This is dangerous."

" Fine." I got up and dragged myself into the woods. Alice was right. I was so thirsty that I brought down a dozen elks. But then I returned to the house and I saw a black Mercedes parked outside. Carlisle was home.

" We are leaving" he said curtly.

Everyone's head looked in our father's direction. " Why?" Rosalie finally spoke, after all these years.

Why? That was the million dollar question. I also wanted to know 'why'. _Why _do we have to leave Forks?

" We stayed too long here. we have to leave." He said frantically. Like I said, stressed.

" But where do we go from here?" Emmett asked, a hand on Alice's shoulder. She looked like she was going to fall.

" Florida." Carlisle answered.

**One hour later**

We packed at super speed, just to be in time for our flight. Everyone boarded the plane, I stopped at before entering.

I ran my hand through my tousled hair and boarded the plane. Goodbye, Bella. I love you. I'll see you soon, I promise.

**A/N: Hmm… I was actually gonna stop here, but where's the fun in that? I'm deciding to be nice today.. or am i? ( impish grin)**

**Hehe.. On with the chapter!!**

**Jon's POV ( I thought we needed to know what he felt about Bella's pain. )**

I am seriously _disgusted _with _him. _I didn't dare speak_ his_ name, I'd just might rinse my mouth with mud 'willingly'. Yes, I hate _him_ that much. Despicable, _he_ is.

Bella had been tortured, badly. she tries so hard to be strong, but I can see behind her mask. I know that she cries in her room.

" We're here." she sighed as we passed the 'welcome to Forks' sign. As usual, the vision I had earlier gave me a strange sense of déjà vu. I don't know how she'll handle being here. Where her heart was torn to pieces, where she died, where she loved, where she had had so many memories; both good _and _bad. I reached for her hand and squeezed it lightly, letting my fingers linger entwined with hers.

I gave her a sad smile when she suddenly shuddered. " Bella, we can go back." I whispered.

" No. I want to do this." She sounded like she was assuring herself instead of talking to me. She put on a brave face, but I knew better. " Come on." She tugged my hand softly and I let her lead me to where she sought to go.

I glanced at my wrist watch. _3.40am_. Good. The town would still be asleep. I didn't want anyone to spot her.

The long lost daughter of the town's police chief, Charlie Swan, who grieved on the day of her death. The daughter who will return tonight, just tonight.

Life glittered in her eyes for a moment when she saw the police cruiser parked in front of the house, but they turned lifeless once more when she realized something which I knew: she may never see her father again, alive or dead. I felt sorry for her, but life as I knew, is unfair. There is injustice, there is grief.

Although she wasn't in any way related to me, I see her as the sister I never had. She may be broken, but I've coped. I knew so much about her now.

She forced a smile. She walked over to the porch, stopping just in front of the door and pulled out a key from under a rug. Then she had a genuine smile. " Nothing has changed." She unlocked the door, entering her old domicile.

She ghosted past the ground floor, and made her way up the stairs. Again, she stopped at a wooden door. " This was my room." She whispered to me. She took two deep breaths and opened the old door; it was unlocked.

Clearly, no one has been in here for all this time. Her human scent was faint, but still, it hit me like a hurricane. Mouthwatering, very floral, like freesias. She gasped. " What's wrong?" I asked.

" God-" she whispered.

I studied the room. The floor was coated with a thick layer of dust, the light blue walls were faded, seeming almost grey. Faded yellow curtains hung around the window, releasing the a small amount of the moon's reflected light into the room, but we could see just fine. A bed occupied the space in the middle, an old computer on one side of the room. In a corner stood an antique rocking chair.

I glanced at my sibling, who was now touching her pillow as it were the most fragile thing. She sniffed at the pillow, probably finding another scent there, and started dry sobbing, clutching the pillow to her chest. She looked so fragile, so weak, so sad. " Bella?"

" H-he used t-to come he-ere at ni-ght, t-to w-watch me sl-leep." She said through sobs. I hugged her comfortingly. Moving her to the rocking chair, I let her sit in my lap.

" Shh… It's okay, Bella." I whispered in her ear.

" I don't w-want to h-hurt a-aga-in" she sobbed, her voice muffled by my chest.

" I won't let him hurt you." I promised her, whispering words of comfort in her ear for a while, but then something caught my eye. There was a loose floorboard under her bed. It looked deliberate.

" Jon?" she called me.

" What's that?" I pointed the direction to her.

" I don't know." She jumped off me, and gracefully crouched so she could now see under her bed, I went beside her. She pulled the floorboard and gasped. I saw a CD cover, plane tickets and a few photos folded.

She stumbled behind me as I took them in my hands. She was shaking. " Are you okay?"

She snarled and I was shocked. " _keep that away from me! _" she spat.

" Bella?" I took a step towards her, a growl was sounding in her throat, threatening me not to take one step further. From the next room, Charlie stirred.

" _Get away from me!" _ she said with so much venom in her voice, when I ignored her threat. She broke down, she snapped, falling to the floor with a soft thud. " I don't want to fall to pieces. I can't take it anymore, I just can't!" she then ran away, so fast my vision was blurred.

Charlie awoken. His heavy footsteps getting closer to the door leading out of his room. I panicked, putting the items she dreaded into my backpack , jumping out of the window, running, anywhere. I didn't know Forks.

I ran to an unknown area where it had a heavy stench of something foul. I recognized the stench from nineteen years ago, when we first met Bella. I was in werewolf territory.

A dozen oversized dogs were suddenly forming a circle around me, growling. I was trapped.

_Bella, where are you?!_

…

**Muahahahahaha!! ( well that was a little overboard ) Haha!! I wasn't at all nice. ( wicked grin )**

**Hey, please forgive any mistakes I had since the first chapter. I have no Beta. **

**Does anyone like my Jon character? Or Billie? ( so far, you only know them more than the other coven members. )**

**So, back to business. What do you think will happen? Will he survive? Will he ( gulp ) **_**die? **_**Will Bella recover from her momentary insanity? ( sorry, I had no other way to word it, but no, she isn't insane) **

**Gimme reviews and you'll find out ( I'll update faster )**

**Ciao.**


	7. Once, twice, now thrice

**I'm back!**

**Chapter Seven: Once, twice, now thrice.**

**Disclaimer: is this really necessary? You already know I don't own a thing. **

_**Thanks to everyone for the reviews and alerts, you seriously rock my world.**_

**Ahh, I think we waited long enough for the day Bella dreads, don't you think? Oh yeah, check out my ONE-SHOT called 'Choices'.**

**RECAP!!: Nearly two decades have passed, Bella Faith is still broken. She decides to return to the her birth/death place with her sibling, Jon. They enter her old domicile, Bella tore herself more causing her to run away to hide her shame and pain, leaving Jon behind in the face of danger.**

**( A/N: Should I do these recaps?? )**

**...**

_A dozen oversized dogs were suddenly forming a circle around me, growling. I was trapped._

_Bella, where are you?!_

**Jacob's POV **

it seems that, a leech had crossed the treaty line. Luckily, the pack and I were close to the area, we got there in time; before any damage was done. We formed a circle around the bloodsucker, trapping him from moving in any direction.

A snarl rumbled in my throat.

" Um.." the male hesitated. " Hi, I was just looking for someone who doesn't seem to be..here, so if you don't mind, I think I'll be going um.. that way.." he pointed to across the border line. The pack growled at him and he frowned. " Am I not supposed to be here?"

_What the hell? _Embry asked, confused.

_Do you think it's safe? _Quil asked.

_He doesn't know about the treaty. He couldn't be one of the Cullens. _Sam deliberated. _I don't think it's safe._

_Shut up. _I ordered. _He crossed the border. Get him._

The pack crouched, as I did, preparing to attack. Then, something leaped over us, landing in front of the vampire in a defensive stance. She snarled at Sam and Jared, who were the closest to her.

She spoke in a melodic, pleading voice, " Jake, if you're here, _please, _don't hurt _us._"

_Bella, _I thought.

_Wow, wow, wow, _Quil said, in a voice full of admiration.

I snarled at him. _Sam, I'm shifting. I have to talk to her. _I went to the woods.

_Jake, i- _he started, but I was already shifting. I put on my baggy shorts and walked back there. " Bella?" Make her understand she isn't welcome here.

" Jacob!" she said, cautiously. The male vampire took her hand in his. Were they together? My stomach lurched.

" Guys, ease up a bit." I told the pack and they backed a few steps, but never relaxed their position.

Bella sighed at me in relief. " Jake, this is Jon."

" Hi." He smiled. I shook his extended hand with more force than necessary, I was green with envy. He probably was her new mate, but I couldn't blame him; she was impossible _not _to like. " What are you doing here?" he asked.

" I could ask you the same thing." I spat through gritted teeth, speaking so softly I was sure Bella couldn't hear me.

" I was looking for Bella." He said, in a matter-of-factly tone.

I turned to Bella, softening my expression. " Bella, you aren't welcome here. You must leave"

As usual, she was stubborn. " I'm just passing through. I'll be gone before you know it."

My face fell. " good." I said, halfheartedly.

" it's good to see you well, Jake. I've missed you, but I'll leave now."

" Bye, Bella"

" Bye, Jacob." She kissed me on the cheek. I closed my eyes at the contact, but when I opened them, she and her mate was gone.

**Bella's POV**

We ran from La Push, until we reached an isolated area. " Bella." Jon called from behind me. " Can we sit for a moment?"

I winced. " Of course." He sat down, patting the empty space beside him. I sat there.

" Bella, are you okay?" he asked.

" I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" I was cut off by his fingers on my lips.

" Bella, don't apologize for something that wasn't your fault. You very well know that _he _was the one who did this to you. Don't hold in your emotions, Bella. They'll just get worse. Let it out. Let it _all _out." he said to me, his fingers still on my lips so I couldn't interrupt.

I moved them away, putting his hand in mine. " I can't, Jon. I hurt everyone and I don't mean to, but I just-" I struggled for wording it correctly, " want to go through this myself. You don't have to suffer my pain with me."

He shook his head slowly. " You don't have to go through this yourself."

" I have to" I whispered.

" You don't have to do anything alone. I'm here for you. _We're _here for you."

" I hurt everyone by my _mere presence_"

" No." he argued. " Never think that. n_ever._"

" But-"

" No, you listen." He said in a voice so serious. " You hurt yourself. We don't want you to do that. You can't cry over someone who hurt you."

" But-" I pressed

" I told you, I won't let him hurt you, but you seem to want him to hurt you." He looked away, to the damp earth.

" I don't have a choice" my voice barely heard.

" There is _always _a choice." He said, his voice rough. He was shaking.

" Not for me." I stated. " You can't change fate."

" Listen to yourself, Bella!" he suddenly shouted. I whimpered. " You seriously think _this_ shit is fucking _fate?" _he yelled louder.

I stared at him. He was usually happy, comforting. Where was he? The one I knew? He interrupted my thoughts. " This is _your _doing! _You _chose to hurt yourself. _You _chose to kill yourself every single _fucking _day. _Do you know _how that hurts me? Hurts _us_? You die, I die! It hurts to see you kill yourself. Why can't you friggin'move on!?!"

" oh yeah?!" I was yelling back now. " you think I can just _move on_?!_Forget _my past? Think everything is just '_dandy_'?! You think I haven't at least _tried_?! My efforts are _useless_, Jon, _USELESS! _I was in love, can't you understand that? I can't get over him! He'll be the death of me someday." He cringed, but I ignored him. " I'll never trust again. I'll never love again. _Never!" _ I noticed that I was on my feet, I was breathing heavily.

I pointed my finger at him, who was shocked at my outburst. " my story is not for you to understand. This isn't your usual happy love story or heartbreak story. I am messed up. Never try to keep up with me. You'll never know what I'll do next. Wanna know? Oh I'll tell you. I'm leaving you and your shit." I turned to run away, leaving a speechless Jon behind.

He was always making me happy. Making me content, calm, whole. Like Jake, my personal sun. I had once again, been wrong. He was creating his own hole to destroy me. I was already so damaged, so torn. This happened to me once, twice, now thrice. Three strikes, I'm out.

I was like an alcoholic, a drug addict. Having too much to drink, having too much to take. What Edward, Jake and Jon had were all different, but had the same result. They damage the drinker. It repeats and repeats until there wasn't a drinker to take the poison anymore. She was destroyed. The holes in her, in me, will surely make everyone question my sanity.

Then the question hit me. _Was I sane enough to carry on through life?_

I didn't know the answer for that. I was such an idiot to believe Jon would heal my pain. But as far as I knew, an idiot I was. A fool, an addict, a person with problems. I had seriously _fucked up _problems.

First, I still love Edward. I dared to think his name, I knew it was okay, they pain was just another step taken to the end, the end of me.

Second, I also hate Edward. Again, I winced.

Third, which just came to me. I had nowhere to go. I was already in Florida, but I didn't want to return home yet. I looked up to the red sky. It was now dawn, a new day.

Every day was the same to me, but somehow, felt different now; more _painful. _

I released a shaky breath. I had been crying, for so long. Too long. I walked the still empty streets, feeling the wind on my drenched face and hair. It was raining heavily. I frowned. Now the _world _was crying with me.

I pulled up the collar of my jacket, already so soaked. The wind blew stronger, making my wet hair move with it. I shivered, but not from the cold. I brought everything out of my mind, thinking that now, I needed to just be alone, stop thinking. I concentrated on the crunching sounds as my boots hit the gravel path.

I was somehow carried with the breeze, it was comforting, until it left. _It left. _Why do all good things leave, come to an end?

_Oh, I know. It's your fault.. _Again, the snide voice spoke.

" Shut up." I mumbled. Oh, great. Now I'm talking to myself.

_Are you okay? _A different voice sounded in my head. Louder, clearer. A deep voice, calm yet worried. Perfect. A vampire's voice? I gasped.

" Excuse me?" there was slight pull on my shoulders, making me turn but I was looking down. Waitaminute. The voice was real?! " Are you okay?" he said. His voice was familiar. Too familiar.

I looked up slowly, almost afraid on confirming that it was _in fact _familiar. I passed my eye level, how tall was he? I looked up higher, meeting a pair of golden eyes. He and I gasped. " Bella?" he stuttered.

" Jasper?" he was more beautiful than my imperfect memory remembers. His honey blonde hair, his questioning eyes. " What are you doing here?"Then I snapped back to my head. He and his family left without a word to me. I was a _burden. _A toy for them to play with.

" Bella!" he spoke with delight and disbelief. " I was hunting." He was suddenly hugging me tight, and I couldn't feel guilty about what I'm about to do. _Concentrate, Bella! Control your emotions, he must not know what you are about to do. _I nodded.

It was time to put the wall of attitude into affect. " What the hell, Jasper?" I winced at the cruel note of my voice.

" Oh" he let go of me. " I'm so sorry, Bella. What happened to you?"

" _He _happened to me!" I spat. _I'm so sorry, Jasper._

" Bella, I'm so sor-"

" I didn't _ask _for your pity, idiot." I snarled

He gaped at me. My lips curled into a cold smile, " Bella?" he asked.

" _What?!_" I demanded.

" What happened to you? Why are you like this?" his eyes were searching for something in my eyes. Something he didn't find. He held my arm which I took back as my own, snarling at him.

" I'm tired of being played, Jasper." I growled.

" _Played? _He looked confused.

" Yes, Jasper, _played. _Took me as a fool, didn't you? Didn't all of you?" I was so much shorter, but suddenly, I was towering over him.

" _What are you talking about?_" he demanded.

" You know very well what!" I was scared of myself. I was suddenly fierce, cold.

" I do not!" he argued.

" Why don't you ask your dear brother. Maybe _he _will tell you."

" Bella? You aren't like this!" he shook his head frantically.

" Are you so sure? Two decades of hell can change _everything._" I sneered.

" This isn't you!"

" Oh _really?_" my tone showed sarcasm.

" Edw-" he started, but stopped when I spoke.

" Don't you _dare _speak his name! Say it, and I'll _kill you." _I pointed my index finger at his chest, stabbing him repeatedly with it.

His eyes widened at my words. " He misses you." He said. " He wishes he didn't make the mistake he did."

" I wish he never met me too" I said.

" What are you talki-"

" Oh come _on_!" I rolled my eyes.

" Why are you like this?" he asked again, shaking me by the arms.

" People change" I said simply. " Now leave me be!" I pushed him away from me.

Jasper was.. shocked as far as I could tell. Good. He stood there and I growled. " I said _leave _"

Then he ran away.

When I was sure enough that he wouldn't hear me, I curled up in a ball and cried. " I'm s-so so-rry J-Jas-per."

Why did I do that to him? Why did I hurt him? I didn't want to hurt anyone but myself. I deserved punishment. Punishment for trusting so many times. Punishment that was powerful enough to kill me.

I couldn't stand out here anymore. I turned to the direction of my home.

**Jasper's POV **( _A/N: I'm sorry for the constant change in POV, but in this chapter, I decided that it was really important to look at different angles. Again, sorry. )_

I was surprised at Bella's sudden change of mood. I was scared. What had happened to her? What had made her this way?

" _Edw-" he started, but stopped when I spoke._

" _Don't you dare speak his name! Say it, and I'll kill you." _

Then I realized. Speak to Edward. He must know. I bust the door open, but no one was there. I walked over to the television, where I saw a note.

I recognized the handwriting as Alice's.

_Hey Jazzy. There were scents of vampires near the area and we decided to meet them. Carlisle wanted to find out their diet and get to know each other. Since you were hunting, we thought we would be back before you read this._

_But if you do read this, please meet us at this address:_

There was an address below. They were meeting a coven, with Bella perhaps. I had to warn them. Warn them she isn't the same as then, before its too late and Edward does something _really _stupid.

**Amelia's POV**

Jon walked in, looking torn and distraught. Bella wasn't with him and that had me panicked. " Jon, where's Bella?" I asked. The others were suddenly at my side, also panicked.

" I fucked up, Mia" he told me.

" where's Bella?" I demanded, again.

" She ran away from me. I messed up _big time_" he ran a hand through his hair, looking at his shoes.

" What the hell _did _you do!?!" Francis growled at him. Ana restrained her mate. He was about to pounce at his best friend for hurting his already destroyed sibling. His emotions suddenly gave tension in the room, making _everyone _heated.

" I lost it! I-I hurt her!"

Ana shushed Francis, making a calm of confusion and calm wash over us. She stepped towards Jon, holding her hand up, a gesture telling him to let her gather what had happened. He hesitated, but held his hand up as well. Then, their hands touched.

There was a second of silence then Ana snatched her hand back, snarling. " You had to tear her broken figure?!" she shrieked.

Billie looked at Ana. " Show us"

" Fine" she said curtly. Images filled our heads, showing what had happened between them earlier. Once it was over, Billie and Francis had also joined the snarling.

" Guys, cool it a bit." I told them. They looked at me with a confused expression, they didn't budge. I sighed, swaying my hand to the back once, sending a wave of strong winds, strong enough to send my stubborn siblings behind me. " I said, cool it." I looked back at them. " I want to know something."

Jon searched my face, frantically, looking for any hint of anger, remorse or disappointment. For all I knew, I was disappointed, and maybe it showed because he cringed, looking again, down at his shoes. " Jon, look at me."

He raised his head slowly, his face showed shame and regret. " Why?" I asked.

He looked down again. " I lost it. I didn't know what happened to me. I just- suddenly I was- I snapped."

" _Snapped _he says!" Ana growled. " He tore her!"

" Ana, calm down." I told her, then turned my head back to Jon.

" Did you even _try_ to look for her?" Francis asked.

" they were unsuccessful attempts, you_ know_ she can't be tracked." He sat at the leather couch, covering his face with his hands. " I'm sorry" he moaned.

" We are not the ones you should apologize to, Jon." I told him.

Then the door busted open. We turned to see a drenched Bella. Her clothes were wet, her boots making squishing sounds as she walked in. She looked like she had been crying, a _lot. _Beside me, Billie grimaced. She walked over to Bella, saying. " Come sit, Bella."

She turned her head in Billie's direction, her expression pained. " Alright" she whispered. Billie took her hand, pulling her towards an empty seat. Bella sobbed.

" Bella, please forgi-" Jon started, when Bella put her hand up, telling him to stop talking. She snapped her head up quickly, her expression dangerous, frightening.

" Oh, save it!" she snarled. " You know you don't meanit"

" But, I do. Bella, I'm so sorry. I don't know wha-"

" I said _shut up!!" _she shrieked. " Listen to me." She pled, losing the frightening expression for a tortured one.

" Lose the attitude, Bella" Ana warned, not noticing Bella's plea

" _Listen to me!! _" she screamed louder, turning cold that no one was listening to her.

" What is _up _with you?!" Francis held Ana who was shuddering at her cold note.

" _I _want to do the apologizing here!" she said, sobbing again" Jon, I'm sorry for making you put up with me. Billie, Ana, I'm sorry for being so negative. Francis, I'm sorry for making you feel my pain. Mia, I'm sorry I hurt everyone. Everyone has been all but kind, understanding, but me, I have been torturing everyone. I'm sorry. But you don't have to pretend to like me anymore. You don't have to put up with me anymore. It's best I leave." She turned, sobbing harder.

Jon stopped her as she was about to walk away. " Pretend? We really do like you, Bella. We love you. Bella, it's not you who should apologize, it is I, who should. So," he said sincerely. " I'm sorry, I didn't know what come over me. Bella, forgive me. Do you?"

" You know I do." Francis looked at her, bemused.

Then we heard an engine shut down outside our home. But who would come here at 7.00am? We listened for anything else, but it was silent. No heartbeats. Who was that? Apparently, my coven was also intrigued, and all decided to see who it was.

**Edward's POV**

The vehicle moved nearer to the manor **( A/N: yes, it's a manor ). **The new car purred like a kitten. The sound of the rain hitting the roof of the car was comforting. I could hear a beautiful voice, a melody saying " You know I do." I gasped, shocked at myself. I thought someone beautiful. I was disgusted at myself for that, but I couldn't help feeling the voice somewhat familiar.

" Are you sure this is it?" I asked Carlisle, who was driving.

" Yes." He responded. He shut the engine, we stayed in the vehicle, thought I didn't know what for.

Then I could hear their thoughts. All were similar: thinking who were outside. Three voices in their head were also familiar.

The door opened, who went out first was a brunette vampire, I recognized the natural hint of red. She looked up to the vehicle, flashing her ochre eyes, I knew she couldn't see in here, even _with _her vampire sight. " Who is it?" a high pitched voice spoke, from inside the building.

" I don't know." She whispered. Two other vampires walked out, both female. One of them, a pixie sized girl with black hair looked at the brunette. The other female, had shoulder length hair with golden highlights, a match with her tawny eyes. I finally recognized them, but I was not alone.

_Isn't that Ana, Amelia and Billie? _Were Esme's thoughts.

_They stuck with the diet, _Carlisle thought, impressed.

_Holy- it's them! _Were Emmett's and Rosalie's thoughts. They became slightly happier. During the trio's newborn days, they had stayed with us. They were quite exuberant, entertaining and highly amusing. They got along with everyone.

Alice looked at me, confused by Emmett and Rosalie's excited exchange. I shook my head, then turned my head at the girls' direction once again. " vampires." Amelia spoke so quietly I had to strain my ears.

They weren't alone. Behind them were two males and another female. The males were both tall, around the height of Jasper and I. They were lightly muscled, and lanky. But it wasn't them that caught my eye. It was the petite brunette behind between them. The men seemed to be protecting her, from what, I didn't know. She kept her eyes trained to the ground. I couldn't hear her thoughts and that made me think of Bella.

I smiled at the unknown lady, then frowned. What was wrong with me?

Then suddenly, Jasper's thoughts were screaming at me. _Edward! If you can hear me, you must do as I say. Do not move! Do not look at the brunette! _I was confused. Was she lethal? Which brunette?

**Jasper's POV **_( A/n: Again, Sorry for the constant change of POV )_

I ran in front of the vehicle, Bella looked at me and quickly turned her face away. _Good, he must not see her. _There were two males on her flanks. We both gasped.

" _You call this fighting?" I yelled. " You guys seriously are pathetic! Hit harder! Move faster!"_

_The newborns yelled in response. I glared at two newborns who weren't training. " What the hell are you doing!?" _

_One of them stood up, Francis, probably. " Why do we have to fight?" he reattached his detached arm. " Why don't we have a choice?"_

" _Oh, you have a choice." I laughed lightly._

" _Sure," the other one stood. Jon, was it? " It's fight or die, isn't it, major?" he snarled at me._

" _Oh, you_ are_ smart!" I complimented him. " Yes, fight or go to the deepest pits of hell!" they glared at me. _

" _No" they said in unison._

_Maria danced her way to me. " Jasper, why aren't they training? Why aren't they fighting?"_

" _It seems that they don't want to, Maria." I told her._

" _Dispose of them, then." She waved her hand, turning away to eye the other newborns._

_I grinned at my new challenge she granted. " Lets have some action from you two." I sent a wave of anger to them, but a wave of calm returned it. _

" _How-" I spoke, stunned._

_Francis smirked. He did this. I shook it off. Circling them._

_I pounced on Francis first. He snarled at me, biting my arm, making me yell in pain. I tore off his limb, a metallic screech it made. Jon growled, pulling me off him. Tearing off my head._

_That made me slow my pace. I was decapitated, my body bent down, searching for my cranium, from the corner of my eye, I saw the two escape. But not before telling me, " We don't want our lives to end because of this. Because of you."_

I went back to reality, seeing that the two were growling at me. " _You" _Francis snarled, so much venom in his voice.

**…**

**Again, I am so mean. But I made this chapter longer, didn't i? ( innocent face )**

**More dialogue today, but the characters kinda took over**

**By the way, I know Bella's kinda OOC this chapter, but it's all her 'wall of attitude' **_**( Chapter 6 )**_** she didn't want to lose herself there. And Jon also kinda lost it there, also OOC for him. **

**Please send reviews!! I put so much effort in this chapter. ( pouts ) Again, if you have time, check out my ONE-SHOT story called ' Choices '**

**Talk to you guys soon.**


	8. Losing Grip

**Chapter Eight: Losing Grip **

_**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or new moon. They belong to the always wonderful S. Meyer. I do, however, own the Faith coven.**_

**Thanks for the feedback, you guys are friggin' AWESOME!! **

**( chuckles nervously ) I am not dead, don't kill me either, please, I beg for mercy!! Yeah, I suck for not updating especially on a cliffie, god I'm mean.. Forgive me ( pouts ), and if you don't, please read my pathetic excuses. ( Clears throat and chokes ) I.. had problems with my wireless network, my computer crashed, I had a sprained wrist ( I was clumsy. You don't wanna know how this happened ) . ( squeaks ) I'm sorry if I made anyone think I wasn't going to continue this. I wanted to update, HONEST!!! Gimme another chance to make it up to you guys, please?? **

**Other than that, I was kinda busy with myself , and I've just been told that I've passed eighth grade, goin' on ninth. Thirteen year old in ninth grade, I'm feeling young ( laughs ). Basically, I'm just rambling here, don't worry, I'll continue later. **

**Ps. Don't hate me or kill me with pointy stuff.**

**Enjoy..**

**RECAP from last chapter: Jon caused Bella to tear once again. She ran away from him running into Japer, someone from her wicked past. She becomes unnecessarily cold to him to keep her from falling, making Jasper get the wrong idea for her outburst. He tries to warn his family about her, but he was too late, they were already to meet her coven. He put himself between the Faith coven and his own. Protecting Bella and Edward from losing themselves. He encounters two vampires from his cold, cruel past; during his war days.**

**…**

_I went back to reality, seeing that the two were growling at me. " You" Francis snarled, so much venom in his voice._

I backed a step, no- two. It couldn't be them. It _can't_ be.

Them whom I had treated so badly. Them who I was assigned to finish. Them who spared my life that day, even after all I'd done to the two. _Them._

In the vehicle, I heard Alice gasp, " No" she whispered. Then she and Edward were at my side, followed by the other members of the family. A growl escaped Emmett's lips as Francis crouched to pounce at me.

**Edward's POV**

We were all out the car in a micro second, Emmett was trying to pull of the vampire off Jasper. I turned my head to the other coven, finding that they were snarling, their expressions murderous.

Why weren't they stopping their sibling from killing Jasper?

The unknown brunette suddenly pushed her way to the front. She looked up, screaming, " Francis, STOP IT!" She did not look in any direction but Jasper's.

The vampire addressed as Francis jumped off Jasper, pushed Emmett to the side, and stalked off in front of the girl. He shouted at her, " Why?! Why should I, huh, Bella? Why do I have to?! Now is the chance to finish what I started!"

My mind stopped working for a second, then. " Bella." I whispered, looking at her. My cold heart felt as if it were being stitched up from an irreparable state.

Her head snapped to my direction, finally taking in who was there before her. I embraced her breathtaking, heavenly beauty. Her eyes squinted for a moment, then widened in shock. She gasped, shaking her head ferociously, not wanting to believe what she saw.

She opened her mouth, a whisper she gave. " No". Francis' head turned to me, then he glared at me as if I had done something unforgivable, which in truth is exactly what I had done. I took a step forward, but suddenly she was pulled behind, her coven members posed in a defensive position, a crouch just in case they had to launch into any unnecessary measures.

I glanced behind them, seeing Bella on the damp earth, her head bowed down, her body shaking in sobs. A painful sight I had to see, a deadly stab knowing this was all _my _fault. Impossible that Bella was here. I went to her funeral. I breathed in her scent of strawberries and freesia. _Impossible._

But that wasn't what my eyes told me. They showed her presence, her beautiful figure. Should I believe in what I see?

My eyes watched her. I urged to go there, to comfort her. But I knew that would only make things worse than they already are.

A chance I have, to make her mine again. But the question was; _will she give me that chance? Will she forgive me? _

I turned my head to my family hesitantly.

Jasper gave me an apologetic look. _I'm sorry, I couldn't warn you sooner. _He thought. He _knew _this?! He saw my previous expression, and thought, _Yes, that is Bella. Bella Swan. _My coven's thoughts were similar, they all thought she was Bella, which she was. But they also knew better than to jump at her and scare her.

Bella, my love, was alive.

My eyes widened. It was silent for a brief period, when Carlisle spoke, "" Hello, Amelia. Your coven has grown."

" Carlisle, I suggest you and your coven _leave_" she spat, heavily lining the venom she put in her words.

" Amelia? Did we come at a bad time?" Esme asked, worried.

She softened her expression at our mom, Billie answered, but her tone was as icy as ever. " You shouldn't have come _at all_"

" Girls? You're not like this." Emmett said, wary.

She didn't answer the question, Jasper did. " They all aren't like this. They are protecting her."

The other coven looked behind them, I saw Bella nod slowly. She gathered air in her dead lungs, whispering " They are protecting me from _you, _Edward."

" _B-ella?!_" I stuttered, breathless from hearing her voice. _Protecting? _Why would she need protecting from me? I wasn't going to hurt her, not again.I took a step toward her, to apologize, to explain, but then Jon, I think his name was, blocked me, growling.

" No one will hurt _my_ Bella, especially not _you!" _he snarled. **( A/N: What's that he said?? **_**My **_**Bella ? 0_0)**

**Bella's POV**

_He _was here, here to destroy me once and for all. I could not shapeshift at this moment. I couldn't think. I couldn't concentrate. My heart would have been thumping erratically at this moment, but my heart would never beat again. Never.

Never because _he _had killed me. I was dragged behind by siblings, and I fell to the dirt, I belonged there.

No- I was lower than dirt.

I was a parasite. Damned to the deepest pits of hell from the moment of awakening from the three day visit from there. I remembered fire, burning, torture. That was _nothing_ when compared to what stood not ten feet away from me. Tears collected in my eyes, though I knew they would never fall. Why cry then? I had wanted my end for so long, I would get what I wanted, so why cry? It would only show that I was weak, defenseless, and a pitiful sight. But, I wouldn't deny any of that. That was all but the truth.

My clothes were even more soaked as it rained harder, the wind stronger. As it blew, I smelled his aroma. How I missed it. As I inhaled the scent, a stab of pain came towards me. I was pathetic thinking that any gesture at this point was painless.

Jon had stepped in front of me, protecting me from the man of my dreams _and _my nightmares, Edward. A growl escaped his lips, " No one will hurt my Bella, especially not _you!" _

This was me, Bella. Letting someone hurt themselves in order to protect myself. But I didn't want to be protected; I didn't _need _to be protected. I shook my head, telling myself that _I _am _not_ weak. I have lived through hell for two decades, I could do this.

I stood up slowly, the wind became deadly strong, but it did not rock me. I was granite. Stronger than concrete, stronger than steel. I can do this. I put a hand on Jon's shoulder, then pulled him behind me roughly, making him stumble under my iron strength which I rarely used.

I was the closest to the Cullen coven, Edward was closest to my coven. There we stood, in the centre of a circle. The wind blew and I held my breath. His scent would melt me again. I did not want that. I want my pain finished with.

A glitter of hope showed in his eyes, and I sobbed again. He was getting what he wanted wasn't he?

At the corner of my eye, I saw Billie moving towards me, to help me.

I held my hand up, telling her to stop. " Leave us alone." I never took my eyes of _him. _I spoke, my voice shaky from my sobs, " If he's here to finish me off, then let him be done with it."

Edward looked at me, all traces of hope or happiness gone. His liquid topaz eyes warming me, burning me. Hot, too hot. Stabs of pain hit me again, I stumbled, then stood strong again. Edward did nothing but stare at me, and I grew impatient, " Go on, Edward. Hurt me like you did before." I taunted him, a disgusted frown on my face. In truth, I was not disgusted at him, but _me._

Amazing what a toy could do when made better, faster, stronger. _A toy, _the word repeated and I growled mentally. I was a toy.

He shook his head slowly, not wanting to hear my words. I watched him as his chest heaved in air, as he parted his lips to say something, I looked to the dampen earth. I did not want to watch him speak. It was with those lips in which he used to tear me apart, kill me, remove my soul. I cringed. I might regret this moment with him. A sob in my throat choked me, though I didn't need the air. I ignore the urge to unclench my jaw to breathe. The pain was all worth the end.

" Bella" he finally said, a voice no louder than a whisper. " Bella, please look at me."

I ignored his plea, shaking my head, shutting my eyes tight. I had not looked away from the ground.

He pled again, " Please, Bella. Look at me!" his velvet voice quivering, making it almost imperfect.

I heard him take a step. A step towards me, a step towards losing my sanity. There were the sounds of the wind lapping through the now silent and still vampires surrounding us. I heard a feral snarl I was sure was from Francis. But we paid no mind to the crowd with us. I wanted us to be left alone. the less hearts torn the better. It was better that way.

" Please, Bella."

" No." I whispered. " I can't."

I felt my heart tighten, it pained me. My hand flew to my chest, where my once warm heart was. Cold, was i? _Cold _is what I could and _would _be. I opened my eyes then. I was standing on a small body of water. The reflection wasn't mine though, it was the reflection of the monster I was. I watched as the reflection's vivid eyes turned a perilous shade of onyx. This was a moment where I was most dangerous, most heartless, most _cruel._

." Let me explain." He started, but I cut him off, a fire was flowing in my veins, a fire of pure hell which I would surely give. I would show no mercy.

" Oh sure, Edward!" I rolled my eyes, my voice flowing thick with sarcasm. " Let you explain how destroyed me. Let you explain _everything _you had done to me."

His eyes widened, " Bella, it's not like that."

" Then what is it like? Huh, Edward?" I stalked so close to him our torsos were touching, " As if you knew how it hurts. As if you knew what it was like to have your heart ripped right out!!" My chest was heaving with the deep unnecessary breaths I was taking.

" Bella?!" he called me, but I wasn't Bella now. I was scaring myself once more with this demon I became. I had no control over myself. I had given over to my dark side, my 'wall' stronger than ever. Fire. I would burn him with the words that would leave my lips. I would let him bleed internally with the pain I caused. The _same _pain he caused in me.

Let him _suffer, _let him _pay. _

" Oh, shut up, Edward." I growled. " Here you stand, nothing wrong with you at all. Look at me, Edward. Tell me who killed me." I watched his tortured expression, one that usually would murder me. But I wasn't me now, wasn't i? My lips curled into a bitter smile.

He stood there, silent, and I snarled at him. " I said _tell me!_"

" I killed you." He choked, his hands flying up to his décolletage.

" And why?!" I yelled at him.

He was crying now, his head bowed in surrender, his hands pulling his head of hair off. " B-el-la" he choked, he looked as if he were about to beg for mercy.

I realized that finally had I woke up from my dangerous trance, and I stared at what I had done. I hurt Edward. I stepped back. I was deranged, out of control. I was losing grip of myself. I had to leave before I hurt anyone else, but it was too late. I had crushed my purpose; Edward. " I'm sorry," I whispered, falling into pieces which could never be picked up again.

I love him, I hate him. I didn't know which side to give over to. I didn't know which side to trust. Would anything be worth my decision? No. Nothing is worth me. I am unworthy.

**Edward's POV**

I looked up when I gathered my strength, Bella broke down again. She had hidden her face in her small hands, sobbing tearlessly, whispering again and again, " I'm sorry." But she didn't need to be. I was sorry.

What she had said earlier had brought me deeper below the surface. I was drowning in water. I was hollow, empty. Who knew Bella could be so cruel, so unforgiving? I deserved it, I should've seen this coming. I had survived the fatal stabs that came from her. I had done enough suffering to last my eternity. I had to try one, twice, a million times more. I will never stop trying. I couldn't live without her anymore.

" Bella, please!" I pled. " Let me-"

" Ed-ward" she said, her melodic voice highlighted the sadness, the despair, making my heart break. " Y-ou d-don't wa-nt me."

" Lies, Bella. I told you nothing but lies that day." I said bravely.

Her head looked up to mine, her mesmerizing, shocking vivid eyes turning black as it did earlier. " You.. you lied to me?" she whispered frantically.

" Bella-"

" Edward, please, just stop it." She hid her face in her hair, not wanting to look at me. Why did she believe my lies, but not my truth? " just.. enough. Leave, please." She practically begged.

" Bella, I lost you once, I don't want to lose you again." I said, crouching to reach her eye level, but when I touched her, she flinched. " Don't touch me," she whispered, falling backwards to the earth, crawling back the same way.

She sobbed, her voice shaky, " Edward, you didn't lose me, you left me."

" I don't want to leave you again," I swore.

"You say things like that." She said, quivering, " Don't say things you don't mean."

How could she think like this? How could she not believe me? She was everything. Everything. The sacred soul sent into the earth, blessing all things and all people with her Midas effect. " Bella, please believe me." I reasoned, " I love you, Bella, I mean this."

She shook her head, raising her head to face mine, " I- I" I prayed for her to return her love to me. She looked at me, dead in the eye, " I cant"

I cringed at the two words that may as well kill me. I tried once more, " Be-lla" my voice broke when my throat choked me with a tight feeling. I now wished I could cry. That couldn't have been _her _talking.

She did not look at me to any further extent. She had stood up, and I could see it was a struggle for her. Her legs were unsteady and she looked unstable. I reached for her but stopped when she said, " I'm sorry."

Then, she left. I felt my head spinning and before I knew it, I collapsed. Her coven and mine, calling her name, wanting her to return. Their voices were drowned out from my ears. I couldn't feel, I couldn't hear, I couldn't breathe. I curled into a tight ball, holding myself there, holding my heart together, holding what was left of me. I should have never pushed my love away, when I should have held her close.

It struck me then, _Will she ever forgive me? _

I didn't think so, but still I had to try. I had to find out if I could call her mine again. This time, I'm making no more mistakes.

**Bella's POV**

I ran. I was weak, so I ran. How many times have I done this? it seemed so natural to run when in pain.

But I knew the pain would come back. You couldn't escape fate, could you? When it was destined for you, written in black and white, you had to face your fears and go with it. stand strong while the pain was there. But I didn't do such thing. I did what cowards had done since the dawn of time; _run away. _

The path seemed so familiar though, how I would slip to a state where I would be numb, and as time grew old while I stayed in my frozen eighteen-year-old perfection, I would waste away. Tick Tock Tick Tock, Thump Thump Thump. Each second, a human grows close to dying. Each day, thousands of heart falters to its death. But where were we, the ones frozen in time? We didn't belong. Time was usually on an immortal's side. What was an eternity for one? A lifetime.

What was two decades for one? An intake of breath was what it was. _He _had had an intake of breath before meeting me. A small gesture, one worth not missing. He couldn't have missed me in the slightest.

If I had lived a human life to this day, or if I still wanted to live, I would have never realized that my life would pass in the blink of an eye. A magnet for danger, I was. A magnet for torture I had become.

He stood there, a while ago, putting on his show where he lied so well. What did he want? A slow and painful death? I didn't think I would wait. I would have wanted it quick. I might have not been able to feel a thing. But things never happened the way I wanted them to.

Dream, then get crushed. Story of my life.

And now I stood, drenched in the tears that the world have shared, I watched the stream flow deeper into the woods than I already was. I closed my eyes, imagining myself a blond. I imagined my skin chalky, threateningly skinny and I made myself just an inch taller. I thought of pink pouty lips, and thought of myself dry, wearing a strapless ivory dress than hugged my new curves, hanging just below my knees. My feet strapped in heels which had to be tied, making them belong so much to a ballerina's. I let my hair grow shorter, stopping at my mid-chest where it swayed in gentle curves. I imagined my scent as lavender, feeling proud of myself when I could smell it.

I stood up slowly, eyes still closed, then I hovered over the stream, gawking at my finest creation ever.

I was a beauty that would put any undead vampire to shame. I did not look like Bella in any way at all.

I fell into my wall then, letting myself go, letting myself forget who I am, what I am, the disasters in my life. I was panicked then. I couldn't climb back out of the wall that was slowly eating me.

I was falling from myself, and I couldn't bring myself up, I wouldnt. Did I want a new beginning to rid my torment?

No. I shouldn't. This is thinking irrationally. A new beginning wouldn't rid me of the tormenting consequences of damnation, I knew that. But why was I thinking differently now? Why was I thinking that this would just go away?

Because, I was stupid, idiotic, a fool.

I hadn't shifted back yet, though I knew my disguise would do no good. If _he _and I were to cross paths in the future, he would well know it was me. My head was in its own place, not even in this small world in where each place you turn, you would see a threat.

I did not want to return to my surely worried family. Not yet. I was sure that he was still there. I was safe now, where i was. No one could find me, no one could track me.

**Edward's POV**

I was in a physically unconscious state, though I knew everything that ran in my mind. I just laid there, crouched on the earth, unmoving. _History will repeat itself, _my head told me. Two star-crossed lovers, or what _used to be _, leaving one another. The moment I had with her must be savored, though it hurt like hell, not that I would know.

I heard someone calling me, and I try to speak, but I couldn't. I had no control, a pressing feeling on my esophagus, forcing my voice to drown. I slowly came to myself, starting to feel again, someone was shaking me, voice frantic.

" Edward!! _Edward!! _" Please hear me!!" a chiming voice sobbed. I wasn't the voice I wanted to hear, though I expected that she wouldn't come back. Instead, Alice came to my aid. I looked up from the dirt, meeting Alice's eyes, which closed tight in pain, seeing me like this. We were still outside the house, the sun obscured by the dark clouds which still poured heavily.

" Edward," she sighed, pulling me in a tight embrace, " Are you alright?"

I didn't answer as she pulled away, my eyes gave away every emotion, everything. I tore away from her gaze, seeing my family, and the others stiff, Francis and Jasper snarling at the giveaway emotion of hate and anger. No emotion was real, the emotion were both concocted by their gift of manipulating emotions. Everyone else were fighting the emotion, concentrating hard not to break and fall into an unnecessary fight. Each were struggling. Jasper was giving off calm, while Francis; anger.

Ana was holding her mate back, trying to calm him. Then I wondered why Alice had abandoned her post beside JAsper, her mate. I supposed, she saw that things would end up fine, but she was still worried for me. I stood up, Alice hanging onto my arm in caution, then thought, _you have to speak with them, Edward._

I nodded, then cleared my throat. " Please," I begged, voice quavering, " Let me explain why I've done-"

I was cut off by Mia, who said, " Edward, please, you've done enough."

I cringed, as Emmett said, " I'm going to look for her."

Ana shook her head, " She can't be tracked. Your efforts will be useless."

The wind was blowing dangerously, I realized. " Mia stop restraining me! Let me go! I want to finish what I started."

Jasper shook his head, " Francis, why do you hate me so much?"

Francis growled, " Look at me, _major, _I wasn't like this! You've thrown my life away!"

Jon stepped forward, not crouching, and everyone took that as a good sign. " Francis, look at us. Look at _all of us. _We didn't ask for this either, we didn't have a choice. Neither did he."

Jasper nodded, " I am no longer a man. I am a monster of many sins. All for which I am not proud of. I killed, I forced people into this life, and I killed some more. Not too long ago, I have seen good in the world, something different. I felt new things instead of hatred. I felt hope. I found this world, where people had second chances. I was given a chance, a chance to be different than the monster I was, and I took it. I have changed in more ways than you imagine, but I know that I will not be forgiven when I am destroyed. But I ask of you, if I could have a second chance, to prove myself that I am no longer a monster. I want to ask for your forgiveness, beg if I will."

Silence followed his words, when Francis finally said, " I was a monster too, a murderer of the innocent. I too, am not proud of what I had done. Tell me Jasper, does Maria still walk the earth?"

" I am not sure." Jasper mumbled.

" Her talent of persuasion had driven us all mad," Francis said. " Forgive you, forgive me. I wasn't thinking."

Jon turned to glare at me, " So let's hear this explanation of yours."

" The neighbors are looking at us." Mia sighed, " Please, come in. I can't keep the rain out much longer."

Carlisle looked at her quizzically, wondering why she sounded like she controlled the weather. We entered the house, soaking wet, dripping on the carpet. We went into what looked like a living room, a faint smell of paint still there, dating back to almost three months old. Jon was still impatient as he huffed, " Well, I'm waiting."

" I left to protect her." I started. " I didn't know that it would endanger her instead." Jon snorted, saying, " yeah, right."

I looked at his coven, and I noticed that Billie hadn't taken her eyes off Emmett since we encountered.

I listened in to Ana, Billie and Amelia's thoughts, which were guarded. I looked at them, whispering, " What are you hiding from me?"

Billie hyperventilated, using humor to dodge the question, but her voice was slightly showing hysteria, " Your already a mind reader, do you have the need to know everything?"

Alice gasped all of a sudden, as she returned from a vision I've missed. Mia shook her head, knowing the look on Alice's face meant she returned from a vision, " D-don't say anything!!"

" You didn't tell him?" Alice sobbed, looking at Billie. Billie on the other hand, started sobbing.

" Don't" she begged.

Alice shook her head, " I can't keep this a secret. He deserves to know."

Emmett growled, " Would somebody please tell me what is going on?"

" Say it!" Alice insisted.

Billie gulped, giving in. " My name is Belinda McCarty. I-I'm your..."

**…**

**( Peeks from hidey hole ) Okay, I know it's a cliffie, but I had to stop it here, this chapter was getting too long( my longest chapter yet!! ), so consider this PART 1. I'm done with writing the next chapter, and so on and so forth, coz of the long wait, so… ( hint ) some reviews might make the chapter post itself if 'big bad Mia' isn't updating. ( pretend snarl ) I'll be updating sooner now, though, I'm feeling extremely guilty for not doing so earlier..**

**OME!! Meanie Bella is so… MEAN!! Haha, no duh. ( grins ) Okay, honest opinion, please? Was this chapter.. acceptable? ( worry face ) it wasn't the way I actually planned it to be, but I didn't want this to be an " I'm sorry," " I forgive you. Lets kiss and have happy forever after," story, coz that just might make the plot a mess already, considering the depressing chapters I entered, aha. But I assure you, there ****_will _be a happy ending. Or will there? ( Impish grin )**

**Anywho.. Francis and Jasper are good, right? New drama!! haha. . How will Emmett react to this ( whatever she will say, that is. Care to guess? )? Will Bella return? Will she realize what Jon meant when he said, " my Bella,"? **

**The 'Billie, Emmett' thing, yeah.. I thought it would add a twist. So why hadn't she told him who she was when she was a newborn and with the Cullen's, eh?**

**Gimme reviews!! Haha, I sounded demanding right there. But, puh-lease?? ( pouts ) I put my heart and soul to make this right.**

**Questions and Constructive criticism are also welcome.. Btw, I also accept Anonymous Reviews..  
**

**Just press that button right down there. Do it now!! ( monkey grin )**


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